Should of gotten laid
The Ravénous Café
chapter 10
by
copier
· original author:
fearboy
Jon sat down beside Keiichi as they waited to be judged. The giant receptionist for anime heaven was on the phone talking to ‘God’. Jon could hear the scratchy voice of the anime God coming from the phone and Jon couldn’t be sure, but he’d bet he’d heard that voice before, which wouldn’t surprise him. Since starting work at the Ravénous Café, he’d seen some funny customers, and if one of them had been the anime God, then he wouldn’t be shocked at all. It was so weird knowing that some mysterious female God of anime was deciding their destinies. Although, now that Jon thought about it only a cruel female God would allow so much fan service that gives guys a look at huge boobs and crotch shots, but never let you see the good underneath. Truly, any God that would hide such glory behind flimsy clothes was one to be feared and abhorred.
“Do you have any idea why we’re going to either anime hell or heaven?” Keiichi asked, still unaware that he was only a Japanese cartoon.
“Beats me,” Jon grunts. He lacked both the energy and interest in explaining to Keiichi about his origins. If he told the simple man that he was created to be the poor sap in an anime, where he’s surrounded by beautiful women but never gets any. Jon figured that if ignorance was bliss, he shouldn’t enlighten his friend.
“Ya, got it. I’ll make sure to send the next anime character to you so you can use him as a guinea pig. No, I won’t have my way with them before you. Okay, bye-bye.” The heavenly receptionist puts down the phone and Jon and Keiichi look up at her with restlessness. Surely you both weren’t going to hell, Jon thought. He know from the anime that Keiichi was a nice guy and unless masturbating to anime characters was a sin, Jon wasn’t heading to hell either. The giantess put on a big smile and glanced down at the two recently departed mortals that were waiting for judgment. “I got great news.”
“We’re going to anime heaven!” Jon and Keiichi both shouted and started hugging one another. They had been worried they were both going to anime hell, but it looked like that wasn’t going to happen. Oh happy day!
“Nope, you’re both going to hell for being virgins. I don’t understand it myself, but her mighty Godness thinks that unless a man has some experience in the sack, he shouldn’t be allowed to go to heaven.” Jon and Keiichi let go, gaping at the giantess in shock and horror. This couldn’t be happening, it just couldn’t be!
“What’s the good news,” Jon said in a daze, vaguely remembering the giantess saying something about good news.
“I just saved a bundle on car insurance,” the giantess chuckled. “Now bye-bye. Say hi to Hitler and the guys that edited Escaflowne.” With a sweep of her hand, both of the recently deceased were flung off her desk. With a final scream, Jon plummeted into a world of flames.
“NOOOOOOOO!”
<><><><><><><><& #62;<><><><><><><><& #62;<><><><><>
‘Grunt, snort’ Jon grumble as he fell forward. With a thud, he tumbled onto the carpeted floor at the entrance to the Ravénous Café. He crawled to his knees and rubbed the back of his head. He must have fallen asleep on the job. With any luck, no one had noticed.
“Have a nice nap, Jon?” Bunny asked, hopping towards him with a big sunny smile.
“Yep, I think I might of even had a dream,” Jon sighed and straitened his tie. How embarrassing, falling asleep standing up at work. It was alright that Bunny saw him, she was too naïve to be any concern, but if someone notable had seen, Jon would of simply died from embarrassment.
“What’d you dream? I once had this dream where I was naked and this hairy men came out, and they had cherries and whip cream and ravioli…” Jon shuddered and forced himself to ignore the rest of what Bunny was saying, it was too disturbing.
“I…I…don’t remember. Something about clouds I think,” Jon muttered. It was a complete blank for him, strange. He didn’t have much more time to dwell on it because a new customer walked into the Café.
“Welcome to the Ravénous Café, the only place where everyone’s on the menu. I’m Jon and I’ll be showing you to your seats.”
“Do you have any idea why we’re going to either anime hell or heaven?” Keiichi asked, still unaware that he was only a Japanese cartoon.
“Beats me,” Jon grunts. He lacked both the energy and interest in explaining to Keiichi about his origins. If he told the simple man that he was created to be the poor sap in an anime, where he’s surrounded by beautiful women but never gets any. Jon figured that if ignorance was bliss, he shouldn’t enlighten his friend.
“Ya, got it. I’ll make sure to send the next anime character to you so you can use him as a guinea pig. No, I won’t have my way with them before you. Okay, bye-bye.” The heavenly receptionist puts down the phone and Jon and Keiichi look up at her with restlessness. Surely you both weren’t going to hell, Jon thought. He know from the anime that Keiichi was a nice guy and unless masturbating to anime characters was a sin, Jon wasn’t heading to hell either. The giantess put on a big smile and glanced down at the two recently departed mortals that were waiting for judgment. “I got great news.”
“We’re going to anime heaven!” Jon and Keiichi both shouted and started hugging one another. They had been worried they were both going to anime hell, but it looked like that wasn’t going to happen. Oh happy day!
“Nope, you’re both going to hell for being virgins. I don’t understand it myself, but her mighty Godness thinks that unless a man has some experience in the sack, he shouldn’t be allowed to go to heaven.” Jon and Keiichi let go, gaping at the giantess in shock and horror. This couldn’t be happening, it just couldn’t be!
“What’s the good news,” Jon said in a daze, vaguely remembering the giantess saying something about good news.
“I just saved a bundle on car insurance,” the giantess chuckled. “Now bye-bye. Say hi to Hitler and the guys that edited Escaflowne.” With a sweep of her hand, both of the recently deceased were flung off her desk. With a final scream, Jon plummeted into a world of flames.
“NOOOOOOOO!”
<><><><><><><><& #62;<><><><><><><><& #62;<><><><><>
‘Grunt, snort’ Jon grumble as he fell forward. With a thud, he tumbled onto the carpeted floor at the entrance to the Ravénous Café. He crawled to his knees and rubbed the back of his head. He must have fallen asleep on the job. With any luck, no one had noticed.
“Have a nice nap, Jon?” Bunny asked, hopping towards him with a big sunny smile.
“Yep, I think I might of even had a dream,” Jon sighed and straitened his tie. How embarrassing, falling asleep standing up at work. It was alright that Bunny saw him, she was too naïve to be any concern, but if someone notable had seen, Jon would of simply died from embarrassment.
“What’d you dream? I once had this dream where I was naked and this hairy men came out, and they had cherries and whip cream and ravioli…” Jon shuddered and forced himself to ignore the rest of what Bunny was saying, it was too disturbing.
“I…I…don’t remember. Something about clouds I think,” Jon muttered. It was a complete blank for him, strange. He didn’t have much more time to dwell on it because a new customer walked into the Café.
“Welcome to the Ravénous Café, the only place where everyone’s on the menu. I’m Jon and I’ll be showing you to your seats.”
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June 2
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