I’m so hungover from last night, Stephanie thought as she drove up to Little Hills. I can’t believe how much I drank last night. Did I seriously kiss Henry? She pulled up her phone as she exited the highway. Ignoring her 50 voicemails, she checked Insta for pictures from last night. Yep, I sure did. And then I sat on him. Wow, I hope his neck is okay. It had been another crazy Sunday night. But even though she had woken up at 4 and missed all her classes, there was no way she was going to be late for Little Gills. 

She pulled up along the road and looked out over the community. It seemed much worse for the wear than she remembered it. There was a trail of destruction leading inwards from a section of the wall that had been flattened. There were tire tracks that had flattened the wall in places and dug up the dirt with its treads. Whole streets seemed to be missing, or covered in rubble. There were beer cans and empty bottles around the debris. What kind of crazy party happened here?

That’s when she noticed the 8 teeny little cop cars parked in front of the tiny gate, and there was a crowd of tinies behind them. As she got out of the car and hesitantly walked towards the gate, the cop cars lit up and simultaneously started their cute little sirens. Stephanie smirked and knelt down beside the road to better hear the commotion coming from the crowd.

The tinies were hopping mad. Some were literally hopping up and down. There was a tiny little din coming from them, like the tittering of mice. She could make out a few of the voices.

“THAT’S THE BITCH WHO ATE MY SPORTS CAR!”

“SHE VOMITED ME UP, SHE DID!”

“SHE DIGESTED MY FAVORITE PAJAMAS!”

Some of the HOA members were in the crowd. Louise was there too, now as the acting president. She sported a crutch and multiple casts over her leg and chest. Weirdly, her chest was several sizes bigger than before. She shouted “THERE’S YOUR BIG BOOBED BIMBO, OFFICER! ARREST HER!”

“I’ll say she’s got big boobs.” Jack’s wife scowled and jabbed his side.

“SHE WRECKED MY HOUSE! AND MY STREET!”

“CAN YOU BELIEVE OUR INSURANCE DOESN’T COVER BOOB-RELATED DAMAGES!?”

“SHE ATE MY HUSBAND!”

“THAT HUGE BITCH WAS PUBLICLY INDECENT!”

Stephanie, of course, didn’t recognize a single one of the members of the crowd. She was bewildered, but continued grinning slyly. 

One of the cops turned on a megaphone.

“Attention, Stephanie Mayland, we have a warrant for your arrest. Please come with us to the station. We don’t have to do this the hard way. Please accompany us to the police station now.”

Stephanie’s grin turned into a frown. “A-com-pa-ny?” I bet Tiffany would know that one.

“Please come with us, ma’am. We don’t want to have to use force.”

“Oh! I know that one. That’s when you use your guns, right?”

“Ma’am, we do not have time to play games. You have 10 seconds to surrender yourself and come with us, or else.”

The cop with the megaphone motioned for the others to exit their cars. They crouched behind their cars and readied their weapons.

“Ten…”

The crowd of tinies behind them screamed and ran for the gate.

“Oh my god, this is too precious!” Stephanie reached into her bra.

“She’s got a weapon!” The megaphone cop yelled.

Stephanie pulled out her phone and opened the camera. “Say cheese you guys! Or donuts, haha!”

“False alarm! Hold your fire!”

“Haha, how do you even hold fire?” Stephanie laughed. “You guys are so cute! Say hi to my followers!”

“FIVE!”

“Say doooonuuuuuts!”

“FOUR!”

Stephanie zoomed in. “Oooh, that one looks so angry!”

“FUCK IT, FIRE!”

The cops took turns aiming and firing from behind cover. They were firing the finest and biggest weapons they had. To Stephanie, it sounded like little soda bottle caps popping off.

“Owwwww,” Stephanie groaned. “You got me, oh nooooo!” She laughed again. “You know, like, I can barely even feel that?”

As they continued firing, Stephanie pulled up her texts and sent one off.

The cops kept firing with abandon. The cops were screaming and shouting at each other, but Stephanie wasn’t listening.

“God, you guys are so impatient.” She slipped off her Ugg boots and animal-print socks, and tossed them somewhere into Little Hills. She raised a bare foot over the firing line. “Ready or not, here I come!”