Your stupidity aint even worth a witty title!
Tiny Way to Die
chapter 8
by
copier
· original author:
aerodeth
"...Are you a Yakuza?"
FUCKING IDIOT! WHAT IN ALLAH'S NAME POSSESSED YOU ASK SOMETHING SO INCREDIBLY STUPID AND WORTHY OF A HORRIBLY EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL MUTILATION?! I got no reason why you would choose to say that. You werent thinking. No one with half a brain with almost a third of it still functioning would choose this decision. But you did, so pay the bloody consequences!
"...Y...Yazuka?" For some strange reason, Akane doesnt seem enraged. In fact, there's a hint of curiosity in that cutesy look on her cutesy face.
"You know, the Japanese mafia? Only with less guns and more swords and tattoos?" I seriously facepalmed after typing that. Honestly, I did.
"NANI?!" Oh crap! Did the scary evil voice on the pretty pink cellphone hear you?!
"Oh!" the voice even took Akane by surprised as she immediately replied back to him in a rather terrified tone of voice. As she tried to appease the Voice, she stared down at you while putting a finger to her mouth. Best advice ever: SHUT UP!
Youre incredibly reckless today. Maybe it's cuz of the fact youre gonna die soon that youre throwing common sense out the window. Still, you wanna make the most of what little time you have left! You prayed to God that your life would be spared, but God was too busy shaking his head in disappointment at your sheer stupidity.
"Hai. Hai! Eh?! I...I...." Akane lowered her head and sighed, "...hai." before pressing a button, ending the call. Something happened. What did Big Bad Voice-sama say that made your new friend less chipper than ever? It mustve been something about you! You just know it!
Not being a fan of silence, you tried to start a conversation. "So uh.... who was that creepy guy on the phone?" and failing miserably.
For some bizarre reason, she paid it no mind. "Oh, that was just my brother, Juri. He's been getting a little overzealous lately." 'Little'?!
"Why, what's wrong with him?" you mustered the courage and more ignorance to ask.
"Nothings wrong. He always gets like that over me every once in a while," she answered you, "I know he's probably worried about me, but it's like he feels obligated to watch me 24 hours a day. I cant have a decent chat with a friend or stranger without him getting in my face about it. Why cant he just give me some space already?"
Aww... overprotective big bro? You always wished you had a little sister to be overprotective over and punch the lights out of any boy who so much as looks at her funny. Sigh...
"Eh, big brothers are like that," you tell her as if you knew.
Not that it cheered her up, "I guess... but is it really necessary to threaten my friends' lives over it?" ...Threaten her friends' lives? "I mean like this one time in my Japanese class a few months ago, Juri threw a major fit just cuz this one guy who sat next to me, Frank I think his name was, asked me if 'Juri' was a girl's name in Japan? Ugh! Do you have any idea how much mom and dad had to bribe his family to forget about what he did to Frank?"
Your eyes widened as you mustered the strength to utter, "...No.... no I dont."
Sadly, Akane continued... "Ugh. And then about a week ago, there was this one guy who came up to me at lunch and asked me out to a movie. It's a good thing mom and dad had enough money to afford the surgery!"
"What surgery?"
"Uh... if I remember correctly, I think it was to remove the kunai from his scrotum?"
'OH MY GOD!!' you mouthed in absolute silence.
"Oh no, sorry that was my history teacher!" she corrected herself, "the guy who asked me out had to have his intestine reattached." Sonovabitch, this 'big bro' of hers needs some heavy anger management... and a lot of shock treatment! If this Juri fellow is so friggin hostile toward full grown guys, imagine what he could do a little pipsqueek like yourself who's continuously shrinking?! On second thought, dont!
"Sheesh, I wish just once he'd get off my back and stop brutally harassing any of my guy-friends!" she pouted, "honestly, my parents are gonna go broke just paying off every single stupid screwup he makes!"
'Ah man, I knew I shoulda stayed at the hospital' you mouthed to yourself again. Too bad it was way too late. Way WAY too late. Too bad the fun has just begun!
"Hey, wait a minute!" an idea popped in Akane's head as her eyes sparkled when she looked at you, "maybe you can show him that he's got nothing to worry about!"
"...Me?"
She nodded with enthusiasm, "Sure! After all, youre Peter Mawinski, the very same guy who's suffering from the shrinking illness. He's been talking to me about how he desperately wants to meet you!" He wants to meet you? But why? What does he want with a guy who's slowly shrinking to death who's been hitching a ride in his sister's backpack?!
"W-What does he want with me?" you asked her, "why's he interested in me?"
Unfortunately, Akane just shrugged her arms. "I dunno. But he sounded really anxious about meeting you. Maybe seeing you will cheer him up." It's cute that she thinks you can make friends with her brother despite the fact he'll probably end up plucking every appendage off your body with his fingers after he finds out you shared a bus with her! Less said about where her parents get the kind of money to pay off the families of Juri's victims.
As you pondered this for about a minute which is about a minute longer than it should take you, you couldnt help but stare at the tattoo just below the serpent... a black widow spider. Black widows are always bad omens. And the way the big red hourglass on it's back glowed sent chills down your spine.
Youre not seriously gonna go with her to meet her brother are you? You cant possibly be stupid enough to mess with a Yakuza family, could you?!
FUCKING IDIOT! WHAT IN ALLAH'S NAME POSSESSED YOU ASK SOMETHING SO INCREDIBLY STUPID AND WORTHY OF A HORRIBLY EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL MUTILATION?! I got no reason why you would choose to say that. You werent thinking. No one with half a brain with almost a third of it still functioning would choose this decision. But you did, so pay the bloody consequences!
"...Y...Yazuka?" For some strange reason, Akane doesnt seem enraged. In fact, there's a hint of curiosity in that cutesy look on her cutesy face.
"You know, the Japanese mafia? Only with less guns and more swords and tattoos?" I seriously facepalmed after typing that. Honestly, I did.
"NANI?!" Oh crap! Did the scary evil voice on the pretty pink cellphone hear you?!
"Oh!" the voice even took Akane by surprised as she immediately replied back to him in a rather terrified tone of voice. As she tried to appease the Voice, she stared down at you while putting a finger to her mouth. Best advice ever: SHUT UP!
Youre incredibly reckless today. Maybe it's cuz of the fact youre gonna die soon that youre throwing common sense out the window. Still, you wanna make the most of what little time you have left! You prayed to God that your life would be spared, but God was too busy shaking his head in disappointment at your sheer stupidity.
"Hai. Hai! Eh?! I...I...." Akane lowered her head and sighed, "...hai." before pressing a button, ending the call. Something happened. What did Big Bad Voice-sama say that made your new friend less chipper than ever? It mustve been something about you! You just know it!
Not being a fan of silence, you tried to start a conversation. "So uh.... who was that creepy guy on the phone?" and failing miserably.
For some bizarre reason, she paid it no mind. "Oh, that was just my brother, Juri. He's been getting a little overzealous lately." 'Little'?!
"Why, what's wrong with him?" you mustered the courage and more ignorance to ask.
"Nothings wrong. He always gets like that over me every once in a while," she answered you, "I know he's probably worried about me, but it's like he feels obligated to watch me 24 hours a day. I cant have a decent chat with a friend or stranger without him getting in my face about it. Why cant he just give me some space already?"
Aww... overprotective big bro? You always wished you had a little sister to be overprotective over and punch the lights out of any boy who so much as looks at her funny. Sigh...
"Eh, big brothers are like that," you tell her as if you knew.
Not that it cheered her up, "I guess... but is it really necessary to threaten my friends' lives over it?" ...Threaten her friends' lives? "I mean like this one time in my Japanese class a few months ago, Juri threw a major fit just cuz this one guy who sat next to me, Frank I think his name was, asked me if 'Juri' was a girl's name in Japan? Ugh! Do you have any idea how much mom and dad had to bribe his family to forget about what he did to Frank?"
Your eyes widened as you mustered the strength to utter, "...No.... no I dont."
Sadly, Akane continued... "Ugh. And then about a week ago, there was this one guy who came up to me at lunch and asked me out to a movie. It's a good thing mom and dad had enough money to afford the surgery!"
"What surgery?"
"Uh... if I remember correctly, I think it was to remove the kunai from his scrotum?"
'OH MY GOD!!' you mouthed in absolute silence.
"Oh no, sorry that was my history teacher!" she corrected herself, "the guy who asked me out had to have his intestine reattached." Sonovabitch, this 'big bro' of hers needs some heavy anger management... and a lot of shock treatment! If this Juri fellow is so friggin hostile toward full grown guys, imagine what he could do a little pipsqueek like yourself who's continuously shrinking?! On second thought, dont!
"Sheesh, I wish just once he'd get off my back and stop brutally harassing any of my guy-friends!" she pouted, "honestly, my parents are gonna go broke just paying off every single stupid screwup he makes!"
'Ah man, I knew I shoulda stayed at the hospital' you mouthed to yourself again. Too bad it was way too late. Way WAY too late. Too bad the fun has just begun!
"Hey, wait a minute!" an idea popped in Akane's head as her eyes sparkled when she looked at you, "maybe you can show him that he's got nothing to worry about!"
"...Me?"
She nodded with enthusiasm, "Sure! After all, youre Peter Mawinski, the very same guy who's suffering from the shrinking illness. He's been talking to me about how he desperately wants to meet you!" He wants to meet you? But why? What does he want with a guy who's slowly shrinking to death who's been hitching a ride in his sister's backpack?!
"W-What does he want with me?" you asked her, "why's he interested in me?"
Unfortunately, Akane just shrugged her arms. "I dunno. But he sounded really anxious about meeting you. Maybe seeing you will cheer him up." It's cute that she thinks you can make friends with her brother despite the fact he'll probably end up plucking every appendage off your body with his fingers after he finds out you shared a bus with her! Less said about where her parents get the kind of money to pay off the families of Juri's victims.
As you pondered this for about a minute which is about a minute longer than it should take you, you couldnt help but stare at the tattoo just below the serpent... a black widow spider. Black widows are always bad omens. And the way the big red hourglass on it's back glowed sent chills down your spine.
Youre not seriously gonna go with her to meet her brother are you? You cant possibly be stupid enough to mess with a Yakuza family, could you?!
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June 1
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