“We’re not fixing jack until we get at least one of us back in the right meat suit," Brandon declared, pigtails bouncing as he planted his small hands on his narrow hips. "Starting with poor..." he gestured in Emily's direction.

 

"Emily."

 

"Starting with poor Emily here. No offense, big guy, but you look like you’re about to cry every time your new dick twitches.”

 

Emily nodded frantically, her bearded face flushed. “Please. I just want my own body back. This one’s… too much. Everything’s heavy and it smells like sweat and old coffee.”

 

Paul adjusted the remote in his soft hand and nodded. “Fine. We start small. Find our original bodies—or at least Emily’s—and do targeted swaps. No mass nonsense this time. Everyone agree?”

 

Brandon gave a dramatic thumbs-up. “Lead the way, girlfriend.”

 

The mismatched trio set off: Paul’s voluptuous hourglass swaying with every step, Emily towering awkwardly behind him like a nervous linebacker, and tiny anime-girl Brandon skipping along, barely reaching Paul’s shoulder.

 

They wove through the chaotic mall, dodging swapped shoppers. A bodybuilder was doing bicep curls with a stroller. Two sorority girls argued about whose turn it was to drive home.

 

After ten minutes of searching, they hit paydirt near the electronics store. Emily’s eyes lit up. “That’s me! That’s my body!”

 

There it was—Emily’s original body: a petite, freckled sixteen-year-old girl with braces, messy brown ponytail, baggy band t-shirt, and jean shorts. She was standing frozen by a display of headphones.

 

Paul raised the remote, pointing carefully at the girl while thinking as clearly as possible. Click. The familiar hum rolled out. The petite girl and the towering construction worker both flashed.

 

A second later, the real Emily gasped in her own high, relieved voice. “Oh my god, I’m me again! No more giant dick! No more beard!” She patted her face, grinning wildly. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

 

The construction worker body now contained someone new. The big bearded man blinked, looked down at his massive hands and the tool belt, then let out a bewildered groan in a mature, feminine voice. “What in the world…? How many times is this going to happen?”

 

The new occupant flexed one huge arm experimentally. “Oh dear. This body is very… masculine. And hairy.”

 

Paul winced. “Sorry about that. We’re trying to fix everything. What’s your name?”

 

“Margaret,” the big man said, voice surprisingly dignified despite the baritone. She adjusted the safety vest awkwardly over her broad chest. “Margaret Thompson. Retired librarian. I do not belong in this… this lumberjack cosplay.”

 

Brandon clapped his tiny hands delightedly. “Welcome to the club, Maggie! You’re our newest stray. We’ll help you find your real body, promise. Paul’s the designated fixer-upper.”

 

Emily hugged herself in relief, then looked up at the group. “I should probably go find my mom… but good luck, you guys. Don’t break the mall any worse!”

 

She scampered off, leaving Paul, Brandon, and the newly added Margaret staring at each other.

 

Margaret flexed her big hands again, then glanced down at the obvious bulge in the work jeans and blushed furiously under the beard. “Can we please locate my actual body soon? I have a book club at four.”

 

Paul sighed. “Okay. New plan: keep hunting for our original bodies while helping Margaret find hers. Stay together. No one wanders off.”

 

Brandon grinned up at the group, pigtails swinging. “This is turning into the world’s weirdest buddy comedy. Curvy Latina, pocket-sized anime girl, and bearded lumberjack librarian. Hollywood, eat your heart out.”

 

Margaret cleared her throat in her deep voice. “Lead on, dear. But if this thing between my legs gets any more… enthusiastic, I may need a moment.”

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April 11
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