Charlie locked the door of the bedroom.
 
“Yo,” he said in Polly’s high, breathy voice, running acrylic nails down the exaggerated hourglass of his new torso. “Achievement unlocked: Baddie Mode.” He grabbed his own enhanced chest--clearly surgically augmented by Polly at some point in her trophy wife history--with both hands, talon nails digging into soft flesh. “Look at these fucking things! No back pain yet, either! I can see my dick—wait, no I can’t, ’cause it’s gone! I got that WAP now!”
 
He spun in front of the mirror, platinum extensions whipping. The 22-inch waist cinched in the designer leggings he’d found in Polly’s luggage.
 
“Dude, I’m stacked. I’m literally a TikTok thirst trap.” He bent over and stared at his own ass in the mirror. “You could bounce a quarter off this.”
 
Charlie straightened up, hands roaming freely over the flat stomach, the smooth spray-tanned skin. “No neckbeard. No sweat. I smell like coconut and silicone. This is peak evolution. I went from raid leader to e-girl in one machine cycle. Feminism is a fucking scam, though—let me tell you, having tits is way better than being a fat guy. Instant VIP. I walked past Bruce and he looked at me like he wanted to hit it. Bro, I’m gonna make him hit it.”
 
He adjusted the bikini top, struggling with the clasp. “How do chicks do this? Whatever. I’m keeping them out. Free the nipple and shit. I’m gonna make so much fucking money.” He belched—still had the habit. “Weird. Anyway, vote me out? Fuck no. I’m winning this. Ten million and I keep these tits. Nobody's gonna take these from me. Best day of my life.”
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January 29
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