Tits Out, Brain Off
The New World of SwapTech
chapter 5
by
deleted_user
Kyle had three goals:
-
Get dressed.
-
Avoid Tessa.
-
Figure out what the fuck happened.
Unfortunately, he had no clothes that would fit the absolute monster dumptruck he was currently rocking. His usual wardrobe consisted of graphic tees, crusty basketball shorts, and jeans two sizes too big. On his old body? Fine. On this new one? He looked like a porn parody of a Twitch streamer who got railed between matches.
He tried on a hoodie. The sleeves fit—barely—but the front was a disaster. His boobs stretched the fabric like two water balloons fighting for dominance. The zipper wouldn’t even pretend to close.
Next, his softest sweatpants. They made it halfway up his thighs before hitting ass resistance and giving up. He yanked them higher. The waistband barely cleared the top of his pussy before getting swallowed between the cheeks.
He gave up, huffing. He rummaged through the laundry pile on the floor and found an oversized “Pizza Slut” crop top that some drunk girl had left last semester. It wasn’t exactly modest, but it didn’t strangle his tits. For bottoms, he found a pair of old black gym shorts that somehow did fit. Kind of.
Unfortunately, they fit too well. Like second-skin, butt-hugging well.
“Jesus,” he muttered, twisting in the mirror. His ass jiggled like Jell-O in zero gravity. “I can’t leave the bathroom like this.”
But the only alternative was staying naked, and the bathroom was starting to smell like bong water and anxiety.
He peeked out.
The hallway was empty.
Mission: Stealth Boobs was go.
Kyle tiptoed barefoot across the hardwood like a bomb was going to go off if he moved too fast. The bouncing of his chest made “stealth” feel more like “softcore,” but he kept going. Living room? Clear. Kitchen? Empty.
Then—
“Hey!”
He nearly pissed himself.
Tessa stood in the kitchen in an oversized hoodie, mug in one hand, brow raised. “You are still here,” she said.
Kyle froze. “Uh... yeah.”
Tessa looked him over. Slowly. Her eyes lingered on the absurd curve of Kyle’s hips, the perfect round tits half-visible under the crop top, the mile-long legs.
“You must’ve been so drunk,” she said. “Honestly, I’m shocked you didn’t run screaming. Kyle’s not exactly the king of foreplay.”
Kyle blinked. “Wait, what?”
Tessa sipped her coffee. “You know. Whatever dumb roleplay he got you to do. The whole ‘you’re him’ thing? Very Fight Club. Little on the nose.”
Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose. “I am Kyle.”
Tessa raised an eyebrow.
“I woke up like this. I don’t know how. I didn’t choose this. I’m freaking the fuck out.”
Tessa laughed. “Girl, same. That time I got a Brazilian wax and sneezed mid-strip, I saw God.”
Kyle just stared.
She tilted her head. “Wait. You’re serious, huh?”
“I literally have no idea what’s going on. I have tits, a vagina, my own voice gives me a boner, and I don’t know how to pee standing up anymore!”
Tessa squinted at him, then slowly circled like a cat stalking prey. She walked behind him and stared at his ass. Genuinely stared.
“That’s not a fake ass,” she muttered.
“No, it’s very real,” Kyle said through gritted teeth. “And loud. It claps when I sneeze.”
Tessa looked back at his face, eyes wide. “Okay, hold up. If this is some kind of insane deepfake prank, you’re committed. But if you really are Kyle... holy shit, you’re hot.”
“That’s not helping.”
“No, I mean like... way hotter than you deserve to be. I should be pissed.”
Kyle groaned. “This is a nightmare.”
“Could be worse,” Tessa said. “You could’ve turned into an ugly girl.”
And that’s when Kyle farted. Loud. Wet. Right in the middle of the conversation. It escaped like a death rattle. His eyes widened. Tessa recoiled.
“Oh my God!”
“I didn’t mean to!” he yelled. “I thought it would be quiet. I didn’t know how my new body works!”
“Do you need an exorcist?!”
Kyle tried to run, which only made it worse. His ass shook like a marching band. Every step made another humiliating florp echo in the hallway.
“I hate this body!” he cried.
“Your body hates you!” Tessa shouted after him.
He dove back into the bathroom and slammed the door. His tits jiggled violently in protest.
Tessa’s voice, muffled through the door: “Well, at least now I believe it’s you.”